Kingsman is Krap (Colin Firth, Michael Caine, Jack Davenport)

I need to know how much they paid Colin Firth to be in Kingsman: The Secret Service.

It was a pure abomination to his reputation and his acting skills.

The thing is, it was actually pretty good up until the church scene. Then it turned into a "Kill Bill"-squared = KillBill².

And, really, I should have had a clue when, within the first 15 minutes of the movie, the first iteration of Lancelot (Jack Davenport) is cut in half--vertically.

It was the bloodiest, most violent, display of mayhem I have ever seen.

And I wouldn't necessarily characterize myself as a milquetoast or holier-than-thou; geez, one of my favorite movies is Reservoir Dogs.

But this movie was just foul, full of over-the-top violence, disgusting language and stupidity.

From the director of X-Men and Kick-Ass, I should have anticipated the turn of events. However, it was the casting of Colin Firth and Michael Caine that lured me in. That and the lovely references to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table; however, the use of a conference room table rather than a round table should have been the first big clue.

Don't waste your time. And surely don't take your children--it is rated R for a very good reason.